The Predator (2018, Directed by Shane Black and Starring Boyd Holbrook, Olivia Munn, Sterling K. Brown, and......Tom Jane and Keegan-Michael Key for some reason.)
A review by Chris Lee
Predator (1987, Directed by John McTiernan) is not a smart movie. It’s a dumb movie made in a smart way. It was just another action vehicle for Arnold Schwarzenegger to use to flex his god-tier action cred that turned out to be one of the best action films of all time. It even featured Jean-Claude Van Damme running around in a rubber mantis suit for some reason at one point, and then they smartly made the decision to drop his whiny ass and replace him with the much more professional and physically imposing Kevin Peter Hall.
Essentially, this dumb movie made in a smart way was about a group of U.S. commandos go into the Central American wilderness to do something, yadda yadda yadda, an alien hunter from space comes down to throw a wrench into the gears, yadda yadda yadda, Arnold and co. get to fire machine guns wildly into the jungle while a transparent smear cleaves through a cast of generic, but mostly likable muscle-heads.
The reason Predator is smartly made, is because it just sticks to its premise, and John McTiernan knows how to direct action movies well. It tries to do nothing other than present gruff commandos in a forest fighting an alien that wants to use their skulls as cigarette trays. That’s it. It does that with easy to follow and bombastic action sequences, fun one-liners, and visceral special effects. You care about the characters because, from the get go, they care about each other. That’s relatable. Boom. Go fight the alien redneck now.
“The” Predator (2018, Directed by Shane Black) is a dumb movie made in a dumb way. It’s a dumb movie that wants to be a smart movie, and pursues being a smart movie in a dumb way (ham-fisted messages about climate change included). The reason I spent the first three paragraphs semi-recapping the first Predator, is because all you need to know about “The” Predator is that it’s basically the opposite of the first film.
Boyd Holbrook is...serviceable. He is...a guy that looks pretty tough. But he barely pulls off the “I can’t believe Adrien Brody looks badass” feat of cinema from Predators (2010, Directed by Nimrod Antal), which is itself an issue. Olivia Munn is here, far and away the films best actor, asked to run around and do fuck all except be grossly slobbered over by unnecessary, unfunny sexual dialogue, and strip down for a scene that doesn’t work on any level, comedic, horrific, or thrilling.
Boyd Holbrook is...serviceable. He is...a guy that looks pretty tough. But he barely pulls off the “I can’t believe Adrien Brody looks badass” feat of cinema from Predators (2010, Directed by Nimrod Antal), which is itself an issue. Olivia Munn is here, far and away the films best actor, asked to run around and do fuck all except be grossly slobbered over by unnecessary, unfunny sexual dialogue, and strip down for a scene that doesn’t work on any level, comedic, horrific, or thrilling.
Uh, what the hell happened in this movie? Uhm....oh yeah, Predators are gene-stealing from other races to edit themselves to be superior. Earth is warming up cause climate change (I accept man-made climate change and even I don’t need that crammed in my action movies. It’s the wrong audience. Period.) and the Predators want to take over Earth. The main character’s son has mild autism and the aliens want that gene for its information retaining capabilities. (Like I said, dumb movie that wants to punch way above its weight class, trying to tackle sensitive, touchy subjects with the lackadaisicalness with which I wrote this review).
The characters are all introduced and taken through the narrative in a way that made me think “Oh man, I hate all of these people and would want to get away from them as quickly as possible.” Gross, creepy, weird. The complete opposite of the original Predator’s cast, who were all men of action, conviction, and capability, even if they were rough around the edges. (Olivia Munn fills that role in this film, alone, minus the rough edges and with part-time assistance from Holbrook).
The characters are all introduced and taken through the narrative in a way that made me think “Oh man, I hate all of these people and would want to get away from them as quickly as possible.” Gross, creepy, weird. The complete opposite of the original Predator’s cast, who were all men of action, conviction, and capability, even if they were rough around the edges. (Olivia Munn fills that role in this film, alone, minus the rough edges and with part-time assistance from Holbrook).
My one true positive: Sterling K. Brown likes being a villain and he excels at it. He was quirky, cartoonish, and seemed to be the only person in the movie that knew how dumb it was. Kudos. I won’t go over his role, as it was the only part of the feature worth experiencing.
Uh, yeah. If you like Predator, Predator 2, or Predators, you’ve seen the good that this series has to offer. May I suggest Alien vs Predator? It’s a film by Paul W.S. Anderson, the legendary hack. It’s actually somehow better than “The” Predator.
Shane Black is a good director. I don’t know what happened here. Action movies deserve better than this stale-bread “McChicken” of a movie.
1/5
Comments
Post a Comment